There’s no one event in my life that I can point to as a “turning point.” All I know is that from about middle school through college I was pretty unhappy and felt pretty powerless in the world, and now I don’t feel that way. I had social anxiety (still do), general anxiety and perfectionist tendencies (still do), didn’t really feel like I fit in or belonged with my social group, felt ugly and unathletic, and didn’t really know what I wanted, I just knew what I didn’t want. All in all, pretty standard adolescent angst.
But at the same time, I recognized my gifts and privilege and that even though I wasn’t happy, I was way better off than a lot of people. Which is both a good and bad thing to think. Good, because ultimately the reason I want to do good in the world is because I know I’m lucky and want to use my gifts to give back. But bad, because at the time I took the fact that there were people worse off than me to mean that I had no right to feel unhappy. Which made me feel guilty for being unhappy, which made me more unhappy.
See, I had total belief in my power to make a difference in the world, but no belief in my power to make a difference in my life. But by focusing on myself and my own well-being, I was able to gain better clarity about how I want to and can make a difference in the world, and take constructive actions toward those ends.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. What I want to talk about here is where I began on this journey to flourishing. The shifts that took place that set me on my current path. One major shift was deciding to go in the direction of what I want rather than doing what I thought people wanted. And taking bold action in that direction. For me that was signing up for an improv class.
I love improv and will nerd out about how it’s connected to sustainability in another post. But deciding to take my first improv class was a bold step. I remember the exact moment. I was in college, working on a paper for some advanced Spanish class, hating my life at that moment, and I just kind of realized that I needed to do something different. So I thought about possible role models, people whose lives I imagined were way better than mine, but who were also relatable, and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler came to mind. This was 2011-2012 I think, and to me Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were the reigning queens of comedy. I knew that they both got their start in improv, and there just happened to be a very active improv theater in Carrboro (shoutout to any fellow DSI alums). So I went online at that moment, before I could chicken out, and signed up for a class.
This was slightly terrifying to me. Up to that point I had more or less been living my life according to what people around me had done. I had no idea what to expect. I had never known anyone who had done improv. None of my friends did improv or were even interested in it. This was something that was completely my desire. And it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I found a new community and an inspiring creative method, learned lessons that translate to all parts of my life, and laughed my ass off.
This is why I like focusing on flourishing. Because I’ve found that the best way to change is go boldly in a positive direction rather than focusing on how to minimize the negative. Will the process be perfect? Nope. Is that a reason to not go in that direction? Nope. Does that mean we shouldn’t examine the negative? Nope. (I’ll explain this more in an upcoming post)
So what direction do you want to go in? What changes can you make in your life to go in that direction? In my next post I’ll talk about “visioning” (yes, that is a real sustainability term) and how to get clear about how you want your life and the world to be.
Flourishing 